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Letters on Tuesdays – Defining Success

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Image used cause my friend, pictured above, is a very successful man. I am sure you remember him.

Dear Wilton,

Last week I wrote about failure and accepting failure. In light of the previous discussion, it would make sense to discuss success. Yet, I do not believe we ever talked about how you defined success or what you saw as success. I remember when I was your age, thirteen years ago, I believed that success consisted of a few things: the best grades in class, the most friends, and the most athletic. Some of my friends, if they knew what I thought, would probably laugh at how absurdly unsuccessful I was and, to be honest, I am chuckling to myself right now at how absurd  my definition of success was. Yet, this might very well be how you are seeing success right now: getting that A in class, getting into that boarding school.

You see, like failure with its internal and external components, success can either be defined by you or by people other than you. Many times when we see success, such as having good grades, going to a good school, or having a good job, it is defined by others. For most of our early life, success is defined by others and usually by our parents. There is nothing wrong with that, as there is nothing wrong with defining success with accomplishments. As I found out, these small “successes” create the foundation for me to build a bigger, more lasting, and more personal idea of success. It is important to eventually personally define a lasting success to pursue.

Knowing you, you are probably asking why at this point. The answer is because formulating a personal brand of success will allow you to become happier, more productive, and even more successful. It is very much contingent to finding who you are and what you love to do – which is based on you achieving the small “successes”. In fact, I would equate success to exact that: finding yourself and your passion. By doing so, you will find the foundation of success from which you will find snowballing into a life full of the successes defined by others and by accomplishments.

If you do not develop that personal foundation of success, it is still possible to lead a happy and successful life. Yet, I would dare to venture that it is more unlikely. You become bound and defined by others and their opinions, which is ever-changing. To keep up with changing trends will fatigue you as you constantly reinvent yourself. I am sure you are now old enough to see that. For example, twenty years ago, being successful for our parents might more likely mean becoming a doctor or a professor. Today, our generation might more likely define success as pursuing a career in what you love doing. Tomorrow, who knows what success will mean? Perhaps it is becoming the human ambassador to space-faring alien civilizations.

Which is why, to me, it is important to develop a personal foundation of success after you learn from the success, as defined by others, that you achieve. When you discover and accept who you are, you find yourself more confident. That confidence allows you to grow your abilities and to attract people. You will find that to become successful in life, it depends on your abilities and quality people you are able to connect with. This is why I equate true success to finding who you are and what you love to do. No matter what happens you always have that foundation of success to fall back on. You can always draw on that confidence from knowing who you are and that confidence in your abilities.

With love,

Your Brother

Letters on Tuesdays – Failure is Inevitable

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Dear Wilton,

Today, I want to write to you about failure. This is related to the first letter I wrote you two weeks ago, but this time I want to directly tackle your fear of failure. The timing is, perhaps, impeccable as you make your way with our parents to interview at various boarding schools.

You have mentioned how you feared that you are not good enough, that you are going to fail to impress the admissions at the various boarding schools. Well, the truth is, we all face failures throughout our lives. Whether it be failing to convince our parents to buy us that toy when we were a kid, to failing to be accepted by our dream school when we were in high school, to failing to land that “perfect” job when we graduated, or to failing to complete a project to satisfaction when we are worked.

You see, failure comes from having expectations. Expectations are standards of achievements we set for ourselves and sometimes for others. Not that there is anything wrong with having expectations; they provide us standards to strive for. Yet, through this lens almost everything can be defined as a failure. It is when we, or others, fall short of our expectations that we deem something as a failure, because what was achieved was not up to the standards we set. Most of the time, it happens because of things we cannot control.

As with most things in life, nothing is for certain. Sometimes, one minor detail result in failure: that terrible meal you had could give you a physical reaction that renders you temporarily infirm or that argument you had with your project team just before you are about to deliver. This is why failure is inevitable. We live in a world with a constantly changing and mostly imperfect set of conditions. Failure can happen to the best and the most prepared of us and that is completely okay. Hence, what is important is not that we failed, but that we pick ourselves up after.

What we learn as we grow is not that we should lower standards for ourselves, but that we should stop imposing our standards on others and on things out of our control. Not only will this ease the feeling of failure, it will ease your mind about failure. Once you accept the fact that you can only control your own actions and reactions, failure becomes based on what you can do for yourself. When you try your best, you learn something more about yourself and about your abilities and your standards. When you try your best, you meet your own standards. Now, meeting your own standards, that is success. Learning about yourself, that is success.

If you do fail your own standards, learn from what you did wrong. That can be defined as success. Having expectations about how you handle failure is a measure of success. Perhaps you failed to achieved what you set out to do, but the way you handle that failure can actually turn defeat into  victory.

Remember, we will fail at various points in our lives because we are imperfect beings existing in an imperfect world. That is okay, because we can find success even when we fail.

With love,

Your Brother

Unexpectedly

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Goes by hand
Hand that used to be sand.

It goes to a dozen numbers
Around.

Watching it
Slowly.

Turning away
Quickly.

Yet
It brings everything.

The one thing
that matters.

To be suddenly caught
Standstill.

Like the wind it knocks
Over.

Or, pull the metaphorical rug
Under.

Letters on Tuesdays – That Thing Called Passion

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Dear Wilton,

Remember our conversation about what you really wanted to do and what you really enjoyed doing? Though you had your reservations and concerns, you suggested that you, perhaps, wanted to become a writer. Having seen you disappear into books and having read your writing, I am not surprised. Your writing is mature beyond your years. The logic and creativity within your words and sentences are at a level higher than mine at the same age. So with regards to that, I believe you will go on to achieve great things if you truly put your mind to it.

At the same time, you expressed the fact that you were unsure if that is what you truly wanted to pursue. You felt as if you had no direction or sense of purpose. That is okay. If we look around, we all have friends who know what their passions and dreams are from a young age. They will likely accomplish things we can only hope to achieve at the same age. Again, that is okay. You and I, we are not them. We are not born with an inherent sense of purpose; we have not found the true calling of our lives, yet.

If you really asked, most people will tell you that they feel the same way. The majority of us takes our time to figure our lives out. Some are lost until they are in their 30’s. Some take even longer. Even I, current aged 27, still question my purpose and my passion in life. That line of questioning, which started in college, took me to places I have never imagined going. It has brought me into contact with people I never knew existed. It has brought me into the field that I now work it, yet had no idea about just a couple years ago.

The only way to find your passion and to live life passionately is to be open to new experiences and new ideas. Sure, you should still have boundaries and morals. You have to do things you believe in, but keep an open mind. You might find yourself chasing monkeys in the Amazon Rainforest. You might find yourself learning about philosophy. You might find yourself working a dead-end office job for a few months. These are experiences that will allow you to find what you are passionate. Without experiences and the willingness to create them, you will only hold back your passion. Sometimes, it is through these experiences that you find yourself loving something you hated, like the violin.

Truth is, no one ever really knows what they want to do in life. Things change and people change. All we can do is keep pushing forward, whether in pursuit of a dream or in pursuit of finding that dream. Maybe this will alleviate your fears, maybe this will not. In the end, only you can find what you want. Just remember, you have people that believe in you, like your friends or say, Willy, Jenny, and I.

With Love,

Your Brother

Letters on Tuesdays- Learning to Learn

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Dear Wilton,

Where do I even begin? The first time I held you in my arms, you were this tiny little baby, thirteen years my junior. That age gap is precisely the reason your sisters and I ended up missing the majority of your growing up; I have not been by your side since you were 4.

Over the years, I tried to be the best brother I can be despite the distance, but in many ways it does not feel enough. I cannot be there for you like I was for Willy and Jenny, and I cannot grow with you like I did with them. So here I am, perhaps in a way to stimulate your critical thinking, perhaps in a way to serve up some brotherly advice. In this way, perhaps I can make up the lost time and grow with you, now that you are finally at an age where we can hold a proper conversation. Perhaps, you can get to know me a little better.

I remember a couple months ago, when we were talking on the phone, you were scared that you were not smart enough. Your reasoning being that your grades were not as good as your friends’. I explained that I used to feel (even now, continue to feel) the same inadequacies. I explained that it is normal when you are thrown into the world with 7 billion other human beings – someone is bound to be smarter. I explained that grades really don’t hold meaning.

In a way, that never really addressed the underlying premise of your concerns. Grades are the only measurement of success for you. Once upon a time, I cared about grades as much as you. Like you, my own transition to HKIS in middle school left me in a depression because I could not keep up with the course work and my grades went from a sterling record to fairly average with an occasional abysmal. Furthermore, I was not an elite athlete or a good musician. There was nowhere for me to lean on for some semblance of success. I felt trapped even until my high school graduation – no college wanted me except Washington University in St. Louis. So I understand when you say, “I feel like no boarding school will accept me.”

How do we solve this problem? The answer, I believe, is that we don’t. Whenever you are applying for something, whether it is a school or a job, you need a basis for comparison. For students it is grades, for professionals it is experience and accomplishments. That is the way our society is currently structured. However, it is only a measure of comparison not a measure of success. That is a very clear distinction. We can care about our grades or accomplishments because that is a requirement of society, but we cannot let them define us.

This is why our education failed us. It fails to teach us this distinction, just as it fails to teach us many things and a great deal about nothing. Unless you are in a very technical field, most of what we learn in school is quickly forgotten. What is important for us to learn, is how to learn and how to live. That should have been the focus of education, and indeed that was the focus many hundreds of years ago.

By logical extension then, your intelligence is not how well you answer questions but rather how you ask them. The skill of learning is more important than what you learn. This is why we never worried about you. As a kid, you never stopped asking questions. You were always curious. That is what makes you smart and makes you different. You had the inquisitive mind and the ability to take our answers and critically make it your own. You were then able to use that knowledge to solve problems or ask more questions. You intuitively knew how to grow your own knowledge.

That, my dear sister, is what makes you smart and intelligent. That, is exactly why you will be successful.

With love,

Your Brother

A Brief about Letters on Tuesdays

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Dear Friends,

Starting tomorrow, I will be posting a series of short essays every Tuesday on a wide variety of topics in the format of letters to my little sister, Wilton. It will be an exploration and a reflection based on my various experiences over the last 27 years. It will also be a creative project to hone and expand my skills in communication and writing.

If there is any topic or issue you want me to write about, don’t hesitate to let me know.

I hope you will enjoy them!

William

A Short About Policy Making

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Have you ever wondered about the city you live in: its history, its planning, its development?

The Guardian has an incredible 50-part series on the history of urbanization from around the world. The more you read about cities, the more they become a metaphor for life – patience, plans, foundations, and changes. Any sort of urban development can takes years and decades. The saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. Furthermore, even the best laid plans can be easily swept aside by unforeseen circumstances or self-created consequences. Yet, without plans and goals, a city will cease to exist.

Therein lies the paradox of urban planning (and of life) – each action results in an infinite possibility of reactions. You want to capture the current circumstances and anticipate future change, but it is always an impossibility. You create that which you hope to contain, and yet what you hope to contain is based on projections, assumptions, and visions that can easily fall apart in an instant…

The building of cities always serves as an expression of the political will of those who rule or of the collective actions of the locals. As such, planning as a field is highly political and rife with social visions. Each decision that is made typically serves a purpose, whether it is symbolic, idealistic, or practical. Often, the decisions made are not for the benefit of the public or the future.

One poignantly felt example is the land use designations and zoning here in Los Angeles. Anti-development forces are strong here; the land use and zoning is comparatively one of the most restrictive in the nation. This is the result of forces that limit policy changes to create more housing and to make housing more affordable – the paradox of a liberal conservative population. As one of the bastions of liberal, progressive thought in the Western United States, it is surprising how people support policies until it affects development in their backyard. Furthermore, it is amazing how people disregard data and trends, how people disregard affordability. The impact of neighborhood councils is huge in limiting policy.

An analogy a colleague of mine used was that of the relationship between a doctor and a patient. The locals are the patient and planners are the doctor. We inquire about the issues and problems while trying to come up with solutions. Yet, in a normal patient-doctor relationship, the patient only has limited input in the doctor’s prescription. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, the local community has over-weighed power in decision-making, sometimes overruling the expert advise of planners. This results in policies that are toothless, aimless, and limited. Furthermore, politicians wishing to stay within their elected positions must cater to their constituents, despite regular outcry that they bend to the wills of developers.

In a true democracy, public forum and knowledge is essential. Relating to my last post, the problem persists where we do not live in a true democracy. Most people do not have the education, critical thinking skills, or the time to properly make decisions. This results in inefficiencies in policy making and ineffectiveness in policies.

Perhaps this is an unsolvable problem, though I have other thoughts on this subject…for now let’s conclude with a question:

How can we move closer to a true democracy with a properly educated and critical thinking public?

To Remember To Forget

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A face without name
As I walk on a path in the hills
Counting the rocks
Under the beating sun

I cannot remember
I remember only to forget
That face
What’s the name?

There are memories
Faint visions but the face
The face is always sharp
In focus

Each step I take
I chew on words
Ruminate on these images
Fading

A figure waves
In the distance
As I look up from the rocks
And stop counting my steps

I was so close
But I already forget
What was it that I tried
So hard to remember?

We walk towards the sunset
Down the hill
Into the forest
And wait for the stars.

– Fu Lien Hsu
June 28, 2016

Half-Year Review – All that Work 就說到做到

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About four months ago, I wrote about goals to achieve by the time my birthday rolled around. Well, my birthday came and went on the 8th of June and here I am today, looking back and looking forward. Before we start, big shout out to my friends with their surprise cakes.

2016-06-19 21.50.11.jpg

First, let’s review my goals and how much I completed:

  1. Learn Spanish – I am at 50% fluency on Duolingo!
  2. Learn to write Chinese – I am halfway there. Still in progress
  3. Complete Data Science Specialization with Coursera – Completed!
  4. Complete Half of the GIS Specialization – Yup, got them certificates!
  5. Complete a site suitability study – Done, I actually completed two but only one is public on LoopNet! Check under attachments.
  6. Write and submit poetry to Poetry Foundation – Done, but haven’t heard back yet.
  7. Work-out regularly – Almost everyday and I run on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Also started bouldering and biking from Venice Beach to Santa Monica.
  8. Practice violin everyday – Doing that as well, though been on a break the last couple weeks.
  9. Start volunteering – I have been volunteering at the Wildlife Waystation. Back to them biology roots! I am also involved with Union Station Homeless Services’s Young Leaders Society!
  10. Talk to family more – Working on it, but definitely talking to them more. Even my baby sister. Look at what my baby sister said:

    2016-06-14 19.53.45

    My mom said, “She was very sad the other day, and suddenly asked me: I miss brother, when can I see him?” Then my mom said “So you are very important to her!”

    I must be doing something right.

  11. Play more chess – This is hard because it requires another person…I did play for a while with a couple buddies on FB but that got stale after a while.
  12. Find a new job – Yup! Started a new job on May 31st.

10/12. Not bad at all. Not bad at all. One goal for every month. I’m definitely at October, hahaha.

To be honest, I was very happy to finally speak more with my little sister. I missed out on so much of her growing up. We had a really good, hour-long chat on the phone the other day and she updated me on a lot and her own personal thought. She is growing up so fast. The best part was, she melted my heart by not hesitating to say “I miss you” before she hung up. This coming from a teenager. Imagine that…

Starting a new job was definitely the highlight of the past half year. My new job has been fulfilling and exciting so far. I am learning a whole lot and I am doing what I went to school for – urban planning. Cities are what I love and I am so glad to be able to work on my passion. My hope is that this is the first step towards a long career in the field of urban development.

There are several things on that list I am looking to continue for the rest of the year: working out, playing the violin, volunteering, talking to family, and learning Spanish and Chinese writing.

I have yet to come up with goals for the rest of the year, but I have two very exciting projects currently in the works. Please look forward to them. They are personal passion projects that I hope will bring joy and happiness to my family and friends.

Lastly, again and again I am reminded that it is important to treat people with kindness and be genuine. I need to try harder to put myself in the other person’s shoes, be kinder, and more patient.

Love, peace, Will out.

2016-06-08 19.29.35-1

Headwinds of Life

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They come, resistance.
Pressure shifts, moving from high to low.

Sometimes, a breeze. Other times, a tempest.
How did the pressure build?

Have you experienced the winds in a storm?
It blows you back.

If you try to fly a kite, the string may snap.
Even trees bow or crack.

So do you hide?

You can turn around and make them tailwinds.
If you are ok with moving in a different direction? For now.

Or just wait. For how long?

Either way, you will arrive.
They say, “All roads lead to Rome.”